The Impact of Trauma & Toxic Stress 3:3

Why Some Kids' Responses Don't Match the Situation

1. This Applies to Everyone

  • Framework applies to all humans- kids, partners, friends, self- not just kids with baffling behaviours

  • Traditional parenting isn't working and reactions seem disproportionate to the trigger (e.g., putting shoes on, dinnertime)

2. Streams of the Past and Now

  • Callback: felt safety is a subjective blend of present experience and past experience (the "two streams")

  • For kids with trauma/toxic stress, memory integration is disrupted- the stream of the past becomes a "tsunami" that overwhelms the present, making the now feel dangerous even when it isn't

3. Defaulting to Danger

  • These kids experience predominant danger cues from past-flooding

  • Nervous system starts assuming "not safe" rather than continually reassessing- an efficient but exhausting adaptation

  • Watchdog/possum remain on high alert, effectively stuck in protection mode

4. Trauma Within the Attachment Relationship

  • When trauma/toxic stress originates inside the caregiving relationship, connection itself becomes linked to danger

  • Creates a "go toward / go away" push-pull that is deeply dysregulating

  • Many baffling or bizarre-seeming behaviours trace back to this connection/protection confusion

  • The bind: connection is biologically necessary, yet feels dangerous- a "needing what might poison you" paradox


5. How Sensitization Happens

  • Stress response systems need predictable, moderate, consistent exercise to develop resilience (Perry)

  • Some stress is normal and healthy- remember the 30%-attunement research

  • Sensitization occurs when stress is too much, too fast, too unpredictable, without co-regulation support

  • Contributing factors: temperament mismatch, neurodivergence in either caregiver or child (e.g., eye contact sensitivity), not just "classic" trauma

  • Parents are doing their best; some sensitization has no identifiable cause

  • Visual: the accelerator/brake analogy breaks down into "stuck on / stuck off / 0-60" instead of smooth rise and fall

6. Outcome of Sensitization

  • Overactive watchdog brain + super scared possum brain

  • Even mild stress can trigger a terror-level response

  • Hard-working stress system is part of why the child is here

  • Resilience -seed of gratitude for watchdog/possum

✨ Reflection

❤️ How do facilitators'/parents' own streams of the past and present shape how they see and react to their kids?

🧡 Now that you've learned a bit about how trauma impacts the brain, think about your child's history, including their experiences in their earliest years and/or their experience with a traumatic/overwhelming event. What new awareness emerges about your child's experiences and how they are related to their current struggles?

💛 Your child's watchdog and possum brain is responding to their experience of reality based on the PAST and the NOW. It isn't overreacting- it's responding to its own subjective reality. When you consider this truth. What feelings emerge toward your child's watchdog & possum brain?

💚 Even when your child doesn't seem like they are seeking connection, they are. What do you notice happens for you when you remember that connection is our DEFAULT? Ours AND our child's?

🩵 Consider your child's 3 most difficult (for you) behaviours through the lens of regulation, connection, & felt-safety. *There are no right or wrong answers. This is just a brainstorm of how these behaviours relate to everything we've learned so far.

Behaviour:

  • Regulation:

  • Connection:

  • Felt-Safety: