Scaffolding 6.2
Providing just enough support for success, then slowly stepping back
1 · 🔗 Where scaffolding meets decreasing the distance
The two strategies overlap
Much of the scaffolding our kids need requires us to decrease the distance
2 · 🏗️ What scaffolding is
💛 Providing the amount of support needed for someone to be successful.
In parenting:
The process of slowly and sequentially increasing a child’s competence and independence
With typical developmental tasks, we often do it instinctively, without a deliberate plan
3 · 🍼 Everyday examples
Eating
Liquids (we hold the bottle until baby can) ➜ purees ➜ finger foods ➜ utensils
We usually only notice this scaffolding when a child doesn’t follow the expected path
💭 Did your child have age-appropriate feeding skills when they came to you? If not, scaffolding was likely part of what they needed.
Riding a bike 🚲
Sequential steps to build all the complex skills of riding a two-wheeler
Cleaning up 🧸
A skill parents often worry their child “should” have by now
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If they can’t clean independently, go back to the beginning:
Clean with them
Add structure (like easy-to-sort bins) to reduce overwhelm
Together but independently: “You put away the books, I’ll do the cars.”
Clear instruction, step away, and return sooner than you think you need to
...and eventually “go clean your room”
💡 Cleaning up is an advanced skill that takes a lot of regulation.
Making the mess doesn’t mean they won’t be overwhelmed by it!
Homework 📚
Many kids still need lots of scaffolding here
If homework isn’t happening: increase the scaffolding, or decrease the stressor (possibly less homework)
Driving 🚗
Years of watching us ➜ driver’s training ➜ learner’s licence with an adult ➜ independent driving with restrictions
🔑 We scaffold something as dangerous as driving very carefully.
But not dangerous ≠ needs less scaffolding. A tidy bedroom still takes support.
4 · 🤝 Scaffolding is co-regulation
As kids internalize co-regulation, they need less of it
As kids develop skills, they need less scaffolding
We give what’s needed, then slowly decrease it as skills grow
When kids struggle, ask:
🔍 What skill is missing, and how do I provide it?
Skills like:
🛑 Impulse control
🌊 Regulating through overwhelm
⚖️ Prioritizing long-term goals (following the rules) over short-term ones (getting what I want)
5 · 🛤️ When the path is different
On the expected path, we decrease scaffolding intuitively
On a different path, we often have to be conscious and deliberate about stepping back and seeing what happens
6 · 🩹 When the training wheels come off
⭐ Decreasing scaffolding will almost certainly lead to mistakes, missteps, or falls, literal or figurative.
When a fall happens:
🦉 Don’t panic
🤲 Offer co-regulation through the valid, justified upset
🌱 See it as a moment of growth
Do you need to put the training wheels back on?
Not necessarily
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But if the falls keep happening, consider:
Was scaffolding decreased too quickly?
Or do you both just need co-regulation through the falls?
You won’t know until you try
Check out RG's instagram reel about scaffolding here: https://www.instagram.com/p/DJ7Maoeh5ug/?img_index=1